Colgate and Glaxo in Legal Battle

The Colgate Palmolive Co. and GlaxoSmithKline PLC are in a legal battle over the right to use a "nurdle", a wave-shaped toothpaste blob that sits on a toothbrush head, on their toothpaste packages. Colgate spokesperson Oral Cankersore filed this statement: "The Glaxo people need to brush up on the law because their lawsuit against us has no teeth. Frankly, I'm at a floss for words because I feel that they are trying to Fleecy us - I wish they would get a Poli-Grip on themselves and stop mouthing off". Glaxo spokesperson Ginger Vitis, a well-drilled lawyer from Ajax commented, "Colgate has lost Contac with reality. They're far too Sensodyne about the nurdle issue and their lawsuit is gumming up the works. Maybe our original lawsuit hurt their fillings but, as far as I'm concerned, they've bitten off more than they can chew". Colgate President Arthur Dontix has placed a gag order on anyone talking to the media, staing that 'Tum's the word'.
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Baseball Hall of Fame Inductions

As I’m sitting on a park Bench on the Banks of a river snacking away on A Puckett full of chicken Fingers, corn on the Cobb, Rice with Lemon meringue pie and Reese’s Pieces for dessert and washed down with some lime Rickey and Grey Goose, I can’t help but think of the recent Baseball Hall of Fame inductions recently held in Cooperstown, New York. If I Mays, we Ott to turn the Paige and not get so Boggsed down in nostalgia. I don’t mean to be Ruthless but It gets me downright Dizzy to have to Combs through all of the memories that baseball has given us over a Spahn of several years. I’m Young at heart and, thus, I find this a little hard to Berra so it makes me want to Cy, get into my Ford that’s well-equipped with Doby speakers, crack open a beer and Killebrew. Some of you might want to tell me to go Carew myself but I’m a pretty big Feller who can dis-Mantle any ill feelings thrown my way and, in the end, I will out-Foxx you all!
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A Presidential/Vice-Presidental Story

President Obama was Biden his time when he was picked up in a new Lincoln Continental equipped with new Monroe shocks. Obama has to Garner enough courage and Marshall enough resources to address a group of Republicans, a Cheney of fools who would try to Pierce his arguments with Bush league comments. During the President's speech, the audience tried to Polk holes in his arguments but Obama is a Wheeler-dealer who is used to people giving him a Harding time with Taylor-made arguments that fail to make Hayes. During the speech, Obama was thinking, "I'm Hamlin a great time because I Fillmore like a King and I feel Gore and Gore at ease". After the speech, the President enjoyed a meal of Quayle and Burr-itos topped off by some Adams' Brand gum. The above story is Truman, please give me the Curtis-y of the doubt - Grant me that!
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Debate on Exercise Balls Rolls On

Are exercise balls useful? As a precautionary measure, I recommend the following:
1. In unpacking your balls, handle with extreme care. Don't blow too hard when inflating them.
2. When touching your balls, don't squeeze too hard - exercise shouldn't be painful.
3. Remember that your balls deliver more bang for the buck than ordinary exercise.
4. Avoid excess moisture on your balls - the clean-up is too messy.
5. Avoid storing your balls in damp, dark places - expose your balls to light as often as possible.
6. Break new balls in slowly - balls take time to be rigid and perform well.
7. Please - one person per set of balls - too many people will drive you nuts.
8. If your balls remain flacid over a long period of time, get help - this will be a stroke of genius.
Over the years, I have modified my exercise routine to make regular use of my balls.
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U.S. Congress

As the U.S. Congress has now passed a bill to tighten regulations in the financial industry, you have to give them a lot of credit. Let’s take stock of the situation – in passing the bill, the Democrats had close bonds with each other while the Republicans cried all the way to the bank. Some say that the bill will tend to mortgage the futures of lots of Americans and I urge you not to sell these people short. It may be speculation and I hate to coin a phrase but the legislation is right on the money and makes a lot of cents. Finally, we can tell the bankers to buck off!

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The ‘reign in Spain'

Now that the Spanish have won the World Cup you might say that the ‘reign in Spain falls mainly on the playin’... After the big win over the Netherlands, Spanish team captain Iker Casillas was seen arguing with his girlfriend – good thing he didn’t soccer ... Meanwhile, the losing teams returned to their countries – the Netherlands’ team is in a lot of Dutch, the Chileans had a Chile fan reception, the Italians were seen as pasta their primes and the Germans have lived the last of their nein lives.

BP spokesperson, Willie Slick, commenting on his company's reaction to the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, said, "BP has a well-oiled response team that is pumped up to be dealing with this crisis. So please don't muddy the waters in trying to criticize our response to this crisis." Slick had to leave the interview to take a leak.www.pundamania.com