Coke Claims Its Cans Are Safe

The Coca-Cola Company has come under fire for using Bisphenol-A (BPA), a potentially dangerous chemical, to coat the inside of its soft drink cans. Coca-Cola spokesperson Bev A. Rajh, a can-do, can-can dancer from Cannes, argued that the company's cans are safe and stated that, "A group of five investors has opened up a can of worms and I'll can any employee of the company who agrees with them". Rajh, a former Minute Maid who has become a Powerade to Coca-Cola's new President, Drew Topia, continued by stating that, "These five renegade investors have ConFuzed the public and are Barqing up the wrong tree with a Fanta-stic story that, as far as I'm concerned, amounts to Zero - well, they're not my cup of Nestea". Rajh, who is on a Diet and often bottles up her emotions, might see her strength fizz out as investors drink in all the publicity they've been receiving. President Topia, a Sprite kind of man with a Fresca view on matters, concluded by saying, "Rather than try to fight these five investors to the death I'd rather talk to the Five Alive".

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