Advanced Prosthetics Work Like They're Real

The US Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is funding a research project by Southern Methodist University (SMU) in Dallas to create bionic arms and legs that would receive signals from the users' minds. DARPA spokesperson Shaka Legg commented, "We're going out on a limb with this research grant because many within the scientific community are up in arms about what we're trying to accomplish. These scientists don't have a leg to stand on because we're providing a shot in the arm to SMU, whose researchers want to have a leg up on competition. Their research program was on its last legs so our funding has been welcome with open arms. We want to develop a closer relationship with SMU but university officials are keeping us at arm's length for now." A dean at another university, Harry Armbrewster, said, "I'd give my right arm and risk life and limb to secure DARPA's funding. But we'll be patient - after all, I can only put my pants on one leg at a time. In the meantime I hope that DARPA breaks a leg with this research."  Despite looking like he had his tail between his legs, Dean Armbrewster warned that, "We'll be after SMU's funding - forewarned is forearmed."