Apple Passes Exxon Mobil as World's Largest Company

Apple Inc.'s stock rose yesterday 6.1%, giving the company a market capitalization of almost $350 billion - and surpassing Exxon Mobil Corp. as the world's largest business by market value. Exxon spokesperson Derrick van Diesel immediately commented, "We believe that Apple is iPadding their numbers - resulting in iPhone-y financial results. Their heads are in the iClouds and we have every reason to believe that they're cooking their MacBooks. Apple is out of iTune with the financial markets although I admit that, when growing our companies, we're two peas in an iPod." Apple Vice-President Freda Apps countered, "Van Diesel must have been passing gas when he made his last-gas effort to discredit us. He's only pouring oil on troubled waters by making such fuel-ish comments. I don't have the energy to deal with all of this - Exxon managers need to get the lead out of their feet." Exxon could regain their #1 position in a nano-second if the Board agrees to a management shuffle and hires Fil R. Upp as the new CEO - a woman with a classic Midas touch.

How do you like them apples?

Okanagan Specialty Fruits, a British Columbia biotechnology company, has developed non-browning apples. Critic Ruby Smith, concerned that a gene-modified apple is dangerous, said, "This non-browning apple is the pits and stems from a core of researchers at Okanagan Specialty Fruits who were fruity to begin with". Smith, who was born in the big Apple and who loves to work on McIntosh computers, continued, "I don't want to upset the applecart but this idea is ripe for exploitation by some juiced-up  rotten apples who took some seed money and tried to harvest it only for the sake of making a profit. It only takes one rotten apple to spoil the barrel. How do you like them apples?" Ruby's grandmother, Granny Smith, who considers her Delicious grand-daughter to be the apple of her eye, responded, "Ruby is being a little picky. She is a little browned off, sees red and has the blues when she thinks about gene-modified apples. Perhaps she's green with envy but this isn't a black-and-white issue - maybe her past has colored her emotions". I ask my readers, "What cider you on in this matter?"www.pundamania.com