The new HBO show "Boardwalk Empire" has recently received mixed reviews - some cheers and some booze.The show's producer, Mr. Jack Daniels, who came within a whiskey of not making the interview declared, "The cable TV audience was thirsty for a show of this type and most viewers are drinking it all in. This show is just the tonic for those who like a home-brewed, quality TV program that has one helluva bootleg up on competition. "Boardwalk Empire" has fermented our viewers' imaginations and there's a lot more in the hopper." TV critic Carla Moon-Shine responded, "This show's producers would like to be the toast of the town but their early success is only because they blitzed their audience with a heavy marketing campaign. After this, they will get hammered in the ratings, the audience will tank and all this effort will end up wasted." Moon-Shine was blasted for her comments as most believe that the show's liquid assets will pull it through any adversity.
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Manufacturers of sneakers are claiming that new "toning shoes" are the answer to firmimg up America's butts. Industry critic Ashley "Bum" Rapp stated, "These Skechy people making these claims are a bunch of heels with no soles who are a bunch of goody two-shoes. Converse-ly speaking, they don't know the very Asics of business and they couldn't New Balance their books if their lives depended on it". Many industry insiders, however, feel that Rapp is a pain in the butt who has cracked under pressure. Adidas spokesperson Flip Flopowicz responded, "Rapp is an anal-retentive cheeky asshole with a bad case of assid reflux. He's hit rock bottom - his words smell of desperation. I wish he'd stop making a stink about this matter". Flopowicz feels that many would get a kick out of Rapp getting a kick in his pants for trying to kick up a storm over toning shoes. Sneakers manufacturers will continue to respond to their critics' accusations - no ifs, whats and butts about it.
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Scientists at Heriot-Watt University's School of Engineering and Physical Sciences in Edinburgh, Scotland are experimenting at turning human pee into electricity and clean water with a prototype fuel cell system. One critic of the project, Uri Thra, recently discharged from the university, commented, "This project is a waste of time and pisses me off. The project's scientists don't have the balls to admit that this project is a stain on the university's reputation and that it well never produce a steady stream of earnings. After all, we're experiencing a real liquidity crisis." University President P.P. Poo-Poo replied, "I told Thra the other day, 'either urine or you're out'. I don't know why she's turned yellow but the university is flush with cash and so I told her earlier today, 'I don't understand the basis of urinalysis'. I realize that this is a prickly situation but I don't deserve to be treated like a schmuck". Poo-Poo's reputation, at one time down the toilet, has recently grown as he has received a steady golden shower of compliments.
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