Thursday, March 31, 2011

Frito-Lay Products Going All Natural

Frito-Lay, the world's largest manufacturer of snack foods, has announced that half of its snacks will be made from all natural ingredients. Some nutritionists are skeptical, including Miss Stacy Vickies from Cape Cod, who said, "Frito-Lay is trying to take a bigger bite of the market and bag some more sales but, when the chips are down and sales take a dip, management will give in and live off the trans-fat of the land". Frito-Lay President Chesters Spitz, a Cracker Jack of a man who is Wise beyond his years responded, "Miss Vickies is a real Utz who Ruffles our feathers all the time and is trying to rub salt into our wounds. She's an ex-employee who could never get the Lays of the land at our company and who is now trying to cashew in all this publicity. Her response is Classic and I cheddar to think what she'll say next. Well, I'd like to tell Miss Vickies that, in this battle, let the chips fall where they may and it ain't over until the trans-fat lady sings". Spitz, considered to be the salt of the earth and a man that lives in a high snack bracket, concedes that Frito-Lay is trying to play ketchup in the all natural market segment but feels that Frito Lay's new move is a Classic strategy that will pay off when the chips are down.

http://www.pundamania.com/

Friday, March 25, 2011

World's Coral Reefs in Danger

A report issued by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, called the Reefs at Risk Revisited report, is causing controversy. Critic Debbie Salmon, a well-eeled woman from Finland, said, "As soon as this report was issued, I smelt a rat. I hate to keep carping on it but this report is a red herring that's taking quite atoll on me. The report's author, Charlie C. Bass, who works for the U.S. Sturgeon General, is not in tuna with the times and I wish that he would just clam up". Bass, in a crabby mood because he had been sitting in traffic on the turn-pike, responded, "Holy mackerel, I hate to carp on it, but Salmon is floundering and I'd like to just snapper in two. Quite frankly, I have bigger fish to fry than deal with this fish out of water whose critique smells fishy to me. Well I wish that she'd fish or cut bait rather than continue to make waves". As moray and moray evidence accumulates, it seems that the world's coral reefs are not o.cay and that people like Salmon are a Great Barrier to dealing with this whale of an issue.

http://www.pundamania.com/ 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Hairy Penises Lost in Evolution

A research study co-led by the Stanford University School of Medicine suggests that, in human males, the hairy penis was lost in the evolutionary process. Prominent critic of the research, the hardened Mr. Beau Jobs, an accomplished organ player, commented, "This research sucks and is a big blow to evolutionary research. I hate to mouth off but these researchers are so cock-sure of themselves that they don't realize that they have hosed us. I absolutely hate when scientists dick around with the facts and give us the shaft. The Stanford researchers had their balls to the wall in this research project and they now have brass balls in trying to sell us findings that should be put in mothballs". Stanford scientist Harry Balles, a former seaman and up-and-comer at the university, reacted by saying, "I stand erect in support of this research, which is the climax of years of hard work. If Jobs feels stiffed then he should withdraw from making any comments." Clearly, the thrust of Jobs' argument has not penetrated Balles' thoughts concerning distinguishing between right and dong.   www.pundamania.com

Saturday, March 12, 2011

World-Class Smellers Acquire Sense of Smell

French scientists have discovered that those who have super smelling abilities are not born with a superior sense of smell but acquire it through years of professional sniffing. British scientist Ari O. Ma disputed the claim, stating that, "These French claims stink of French snobbery and I smell a rat. The French perfume industry has paid through the nose for this research and they must face the mucus and admit their obvious biases". French scientist Jean-Claude OdorĂ© responded by saying that, "I don't know why Ma has his nose out of joint but something smells fishy here. Our research results are as clear as the nose on his face and so I wish that he'd keep his nose out of my business. We put our noses to the grindstone, nosed around quite a bit, followed our noses and took a hard-nosed approach to this project. Look, it's no skin off my nose to tell Ma to take a breather and wake up and smell the coffee". American scientist T. Nose Pickens thinks that, in criticizing this research, Ma is cutting off his nose to spite his face.   www.pundamania.com