U.S. Postal Service Ends Next-Day Letter Delivery

The U.S. Postal Service (USPS) plans to end next-day delivery of letters, postcards and other First Class mail. Reaction from the public has been immediate and negative. Homeowner Dino Sore said, "This must be a red letter day for Congress who has given this plan its stamp of approval and will try to zip legislation through that reduces the size of the USPS. I'd like to see more female legislators involved because Congress is a mail-dominated body with men who go postal at the first sign of trouble. The average homeowner will take a licking as a result of this plan and I will address this issue immediately." A chronic mistrust of the USPS seems to envelop homeowners who see themselves as First Class citizens who want to make it a Priority to Express themselves over this unfortunate news. Homeowners might take solace in the fact that some of them are fighting back but, in reality, the bill before Congress is signed, sealed and delivered.

http://www.pundamania.com/

Fox Business Channel Attacks the Muppets

The Fox Business Channel has accused the Muppets of brainwashing children after having viewed the new Disney movie "The Muppets" - that apparently "plants the seeds of class warfare among children". Disney spokesperson, the Sweetum Don Pluto, staying at the Waldorf and speaking with a Froggy in his throat, responded by saying that, "Dog gonzo it, I wish Fox would let bygonzos be bygonzos. This is a fozzie situation that Fox is trying to exploit and I smell a Rat. The day that a child is brainwashed by a Muppets movie is the day that Piggys will fly. I think that the Fox person who is voicing this concern is a Grouch and a Monster who's been sniffing some Elmo's glue. This accusation is for the Big Birds and I will not kermit the Fox to guard our henhouse. I am not the media's puppet and I will say what's on my mind - no strings attached." After the interview, Pluto was in a Fraggle state of mind and had to Scooter off to be alone.

http://www.pundamania.com/

Water Becoming a Scarce Commodity

A recent article in Fortune Magazine warns us that the world has "too many people, too little water" and that water could become the "gold of the 21st century". During a recent TV talk show that featured guests Billy Ocean, Joan Rivers and Ricki Lake listening to old Muddy Waters blues songs, critic Chloe Reen, who was fired up, said, "The Fortune writer is trying to pour oil on troubled waters. She's a little wet behind the ears and her writing style is too dry. She should drink in all the publicity because, as soon as people react to her fear-mongering, she'll be all washed up. She's currently riding a wave of popularity but the tide will soon turn."  An obviously irrigated Fortune editor George Sea. Fogg reacted by saying, "An apology from Reen is long over-dew as her head appears to be in the clouds. Every time she pipes up I get all steamed because people shower her with compliments for trying to rain on our parade. She has a lot of resentment on tap that is bottled up inside her, ready to be distilled on an unsuspecting public. Dam her for criticizing an article that refers to an urgent problem and that is the high water mark for the reporter who wrote it."

http://www.pundamania.com/