French Actor Accused of Urinating on Plane

French actor Gérard Depardieu has been accused by a fellow passenger of urinating on a Paris-Dublin flight before takeoff. The airline has been identified as Trans-Incontinence Airlines (TIA). TIA spokesperson, Itsa Pisov, a whiz-kid who has risen from the bowels of the organization to her current position, commented that, "This situation has obviously caught us with our pants down. We know that Depardieu was flying to Dublin to visit his long-time friend, American singer Urethra Franklin. He was peed off when the crew asked him to remain seated during takeoff. He refused to sit down and what happened next Depends on who you talk to. TIA Attends-ant Di. A. Rhea told us that she saw Depardieu start to urinate in the aisle and so she issued a standard Code Yellow. However, passenger Pee Wee Long said that, "All Depardieu decided to do was to go with flow."" TIA, suffering from a poor earnings stream of late, believes that Depardieu needs to do some time in the French penile system and lie in judgment of a French prostate. Pisov, climbing the bladder of success at the airline, commented, "On this issue, either urine or you're out. Talking to Depardieu was like pissing into the wind." Many feel that any charges laid against the French actor are likely to be discharged. 

Pee Power

Scientists at Heriot-Watt University's School of Engineering and Physical Sciences in Edinburgh, Scotland are experimenting at turning human pee into electricity and clean water with a prototype fuel cell system. One critic of the project, Uri Thra, recently discharged from the university, commented, "This project is a waste of time and pisses me off. The project's scientists don't have the balls to admit that this project is a stain on the university's reputation and that it well never produce a steady stream of earnings. After all, we're experiencing a real liquidity crisis." University President P.P. Poo-Poo replied, "I told Thra the other day, 'either urine or you're out'. I don't know why she's turned yellow but the university is flush with cash and so I told her earlier today, 'I don't understand the basis of urinalysis'. I realize that this is a prickly situation but I don't deserve to be treated like a schmuck". Poo-Poo's reputation, at one time down the toilet, has recently grown as he has received a steady golden shower of compliments.
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