Monday, August 15, 2011
Apple Inc.'s stock rose yesterday 6.1%, giving the company a market capitalization of almost $350 billion - and surpassing Exxon Mobil Corp. as the world's largest business by market value. Exxon spokesperson Derrick van Diesel immediately commented, "We believe that Apple is iPadding their numbers - resulting in iPhone-y financial results. Their heads are in the iClouds and we have every reason to believe that they're cooking their MacBooks. Apple is out of iTune with the financial markets although I admit that, when growing our companies, we're two peas in an iPod." Apple Vice-President Freda Apps countered, "Van Diesel must have been passing gas when he made his last-gas effort to discredit us. He's only pouring oil on troubled waters by making such fuel-ish comments. I don't have the energy to deal with all of this - Exxon managers need to get the lead out of their feet." Exxon could regain their #1 position in a nano-second if the Board agrees to a management shuffle and hires Fil R. Upp as the new CEO - a woman with a classic Midas touch.