Researchers Discover Way to Measure Pain

Pain researchers at Stanford University have found a way to objectively measure pain by monitoring brain activity. Many scientists are sceptical, including pain researcher Moe R. Feen, a real drip, who said, "The Stanford researchers are a real pain in the ass and have become the victims of a sting operation. If they don't retract their findings they'll inevitably suffer the agony of defeat. To add insult to injury, the Stanford researchers have stabbed me in the back by excluding me from their findings - an omission that only rubs salt into my wounds". Stanford researcher, heartthrob Henry Hurt, fought back by saying that, "It's true that it's been a long path that led us to our conclusions but - no pain, no gain. Feen is just being a sore loser who will suffer the consequences of his words. He's a tortured soul who has gotten himself in harm's way and is nothing more than a sore loser. We'll grant Feen some time to go off and lick his wounds and suffer in silence." Feen, when hearing Hurt's words, declared, "Now that smarts".

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