Paul McCartney to Marry For the Third Time

Former Beatle Paul McCartney is engaged to New York businesswoman Nancy Shevell. McCartney issued this statement: "Since my last marriage, it's been The Long and Winding Road but I felt like a Fool on the Hill until I Saw Her Standing There. Yesterday, I finally awoke from my Golden Slumbers, thought of Nancy and I realized that I wanted to give her All My Loving and that the Two of Us can't wait Another Day and, With a Little Luck, we'll be singing Silly Love Songs to each other Every Night. Last year, Back in the U.S.S.R., we had a fight but I knew We Can Work It Out because She's A Woman And I love Her. That trip was Helter Skelter but I asked her to Hold Me Tight and that I Got to Get You Into My Life. We then took a Jet as we had to Get Back home because I proposed to her and I told her, 'Oh! Darling, Your Mother Should Know'. Maybe I'm Amazed but her father told me to marry her right away and I was inclined to Listen to What the Man Said.  The wedding will be in a church on Penny Lane and the bridesmaids will be Eleanor Rigby, Michelle, Lady Madonna and Mrs. Vanderbilt and my best men will be Uncle Albert and Admiral Halsey. With Wings beneath my sails, I Say Say Say to my dearest Nancy, 'My Love, despite My Lovely Linda, there was nobody Till There was You and I'll Follow the Sun to your doorstep'. McCartney looked a little dis-Shevelled when he announced his engagement but, for now, I'll just Let It Be.

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The Beatles Come to iTunes

Apple Vice-President Rawden Tootha Core announced that the Beatles' entire catalogue is coming to the digital music store iTunes. Core said, "Yesterday, Paul McCartney contacted me and told me that 'I've Got to Get You into My Life'. He said that it was about time that, "We Come Together and that I've Got a Feeling that The Two of Us will Help each other make money" (to the delight of the Taxman). In a private moment Core confessed that, "It's been a Long and Winding Road for me in my career and, With a Little Help From My Friends, It Won't be Long before I'm out of my Misery. My colleagues used to tell me that I'm a Loser and so I've had to Carry That Weight and be in Misery but, Do You Want to Know a Secret?, I remained strong in believing that All Things Must Pass. It's Because of my Dad that I was able to Let it Be and know that I was never The Fool on the Hill". Clearly, this Beatles' deal is Core's Ticket to Ride and that he and McCartney have started a Revolution in a Helter Skelter kind of way. McCartney added that, "It does Please Please Me that I've helped Core Get Back his mojo but my final words to him are 'Don't Let Me Down'." Hello, Goodbye to everyone.
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