Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Ode to the Wagar Class of '71

Dear fellow Wagarites (class of '71),

In honour of our recent reunion!

After our very special 40th reunion, I wanted to follow up with something unique. As some of you were aware, I have written a book called "The Misfortune 500:Pundamania" - a series of 500 vignettes that uses word play and twists on words to create funny stories about business, entertainers, sports, etc. It is in this spirit that I have written a special Wagar Class of '71 ditty. With 400 classmates, it was impossible to include everyone (so please forgive me!) but please enjoy the following:

I'd like to reflect on our old high school days in a very Candib, Frank and Ernest manner. We were all so Young, a little Green with envy, at times Gross and a lot Wilder than we are today.  Many of us took Wagar by Storm - others would Bock at going to school and Long for those years to be over. All we ever wanted was a Modlin of respect - at Minna-mum, a chance to feel Fine about ourselves. Some of us experienced a Frost-y reception that would Zap us of our energy; others were Diamonds in the rough who knew the difference between right and Wong. We wanted to go out into the Werk-place and find jobs as Breuers, Fischer-men (for Karp), Millers, donut Glazers,  Parnasses, Bakers, Goldsmiths or even drive Zanbilowicz machines at the Montreal Forum.

The hormones would rage - a guy would meet a girl, Muller over and then try to Groper - particularly if she had lots of Saks appeal. But the girls would look back at these guys with Blank stares and, thus, the guys' chances of getting lucky were Slimm and Small. Each girl wanted lots of Cuddles and get a guy with a Smiley face who would Tucker in each night, give her a Seal of approval and Sher their feelings. I guess that the guys didn't have any Kalman sense or Perlis of wisdom to know that girls would Kling to dreams involving romantic evenings in Paris or even Israel. So, guys, the girls would de-Klein our advances - feeling Freed from the sexual pressures and dealing us a Fransblow to our egos.  We were forced to Chuck it all, drown our sorrows over a Burger at the Brown Derby and then Dash home and watch James Dean movies such as Nebel Without A Cause.

As for me, I long for even younger days when I would curl up with my two Katz, eat ice cream Cohens and Big Max, read books like Dr. Zeus and Jack In The Bienenstock - without Karen about anything in the world. I guess that I need a new Margolis on life but I will remain put because a rolling stone gathers no Moss. Irgo, in the Puritz sense of the word, I hope that you don't mind that I Baird my soul and gave this my Best shot. May this be a Prelude to better things ahead!

I hope that the above brought some smiles to your faces with the odd laugh or two. You can get more information on the book at <> , where there is also a blog that I write from time to time (forgive my shameless promotion).  For those of you who attended the reunion, thanks for the memories and here's hoping to see everyone at our next celebration.

Warm regards,

Robert Paris  aka Pundamaniac

1 comment:

  1. It brought more than one smile and even a chuckle or two, even if it lacked a shake of Romano cheese.

    Nicely done Robert, thanks,

    Allan Romano