The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is investigating Gibson Guitars for the use of illegal wood. U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service spokesperson Casta Lion, said, "We're not looking to string anyone up at Gibson but we're determined to reel anyone in who is engaged in fishy practices. Holy mackerel, the Gibson folks have to get off their perch, stop floundering and halt their nasty habit of baiting us with lies." Gibson President Melody A. Sharp retorted, "The government has picked on us on a scale that has brought a level of dis-chord that has us tuned out. While we're trying to turn a Page, the bass-tards have us on The Edge and are trying to turn Beck the sands of time and Zappa us out of the picture. I wish they'd let us B.B." Sharp, feasting on a meal of T-Bone steak, cherry Garcia ice cream and a Berry concoction, feels that the government's case has Diddley-squat merit to it. If proven guilty over using illegal wood, Sharp could be up a tree and would likely be axed.