IHOP Sues IHOP

The International House of Pancakes (IHOP) is suing the International House of Prayer (also known as IHOP) for trademark dilution, claiming that the latter chose the name to leverage the IHOP restaurant chain’s fame. Restaurant chain IHOP Vice-President Flapjack Butterfield commented, “We’ll eat this religious IHOP group for breakfast. We won’t waffle in pressing ahead with our lawsuit because they’ve egged us on for too long and they’re stealing our bacon. They’re a bunch of crepes who are going straight from the fire into the frying pan. In the end we’ll prevail because we’re the batter of the two”. A cross International House of Prayer spokesperson Bee Leif responded, “These restaurant folks make me want to pewk and they don’t have a prayer. I give my solemn oath that we will defeat these sin-ical people who have no rite to sue us. We refuse to altar our plans because we have faith in our new legal team – who are facing their first baptism under fire.” The IHOP legal team has plenty of spirit but the IHOP restaurant team is the toast of the town that always comes through in a jam”.
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Can the porn industry survive Web 2.0?

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Google developing a driverless car

Google Inc. continues to develop a car that drives itself - requiring no person behind the wheel. However, Google investors are critical of this venture. One investor, Stella Hubb-Capp stated, "I don't want to sound like I'm blowing a gasket but Google management auto be strung up for taking us along for this ride. The Big Wheels at the company are blowing their own horns and losing their bearings over their financial priorities. Google Vice-President, Anne Droid, responded, We're not sitting idle over such comments. Investors continue to grille us over our investment priorities and we're beginning to tire over what these hose-bags are saying. We're gearing up for the long road ahead and we're putting the pedal to the metal to make this project happen. We've always come through in the clutch and we take a back seat to no one vis-a-vis making money for our investors." In terms of Hubb-Capp, Droid would like to fender off but the latter isn't likely to shift her priorities or put the brakes on her negative comments. This has fueled speculation that Google management is trying to bumper off.
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Bayer invests in company developing 'Viagara for women'

Bayer Pharmaceuticals has annouced a $300 million investment in Endoceutics, a company working on a 'Viagara for women'. Bayer spokesperson Urethra Franklin, recently seen driving a brand new Vulva after having been discharged from her previous company, said, "We like the fact that Endoceutics has created a stimulating work environment that arouses employees' desires while treating them genitally. This is no nipple-and-dime operation - the company keeps abreast of scientific advances and stands erect in its determination to run the best scientific labia in the world". Bayer obviously likes Endoceutic's excellent customer-cervix culture and the fact that management keeps abreast of new trends in the marketplace. Endoceutic's VP, HR the anal-retentive Pell Vic Thrust, said, "Our work environment isn't only female-oriented - we have a big opening for inspired males who want to make a spermanent contribution to our welfare. The company's culture continuosly vibrates with excitement".
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"Boardwalk Empire" Opens to Mixed Reviews

The new HBO show "Boardwalk Empire" has recently received mixed reviews - some cheers and some booze.The show's producer, Mr. Jack Daniels, who came within a whiskey of not making the interview declared, "The cable TV audience was thirsty for a show of this type and most viewers are drinking it all in. This show is just the tonic for those who like a home-brewed, quality TV program that has one helluva bootleg up on competition. "Boardwalk Empire" has fermented our viewers' imaginations and there's a lot more in the hopper." TV critic Carla Moon-Shine responded, "This show's producers would like to be the toast of the town but their early success is only because they blitzed their audience with a heavy marketing campaign. After this, they will get hammered in the ratings, the audience will tank and all this effort will end up wasted." Moon-Shine was blasted for her comments as most believe that the show's liquid assets will pull it through any adversity.
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Can toning shoes firm up your butt?

Manufacturers of sneakers are claiming that new "toning shoes" are the answer to firmimg up America's butts. Industry critic Ashley "Bum" Rapp stated, "These Skechy people making these claims are a bunch of heels with no soles who are a bunch of goody two-shoes. Converse-ly speaking, they don't know the very Asics of business and they couldn't New Balance their books if their lives depended on it". Many industry insiders, however, feel that Rapp is a pain in the butt who has cracked under pressure. Adidas spokesperson Flip Flopowicz responded, "Rapp is an anal-retentive cheeky asshole with a bad case of assid reflux. He's hit rock bottom - his words smell of desperation. I wish he'd stop making a stink about this matter". Flopowicz feels that many would get a kick out of Rapp getting a kick in his pants for trying to kick up a storm over toning shoes. Sneakers manufacturers will continue to respond to their critics' accusations - no ifs, whats and butts about it.
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Pee Power

Scientists at Heriot-Watt University's School of Engineering and Physical Sciences in Edinburgh, Scotland are experimenting at turning human pee into electricity and clean water with a prototype fuel cell system. One critic of the project, Uri Thra, recently discharged from the university, commented, "This project is a waste of time and pisses me off. The project's scientists don't have the balls to admit that this project is a stain on the university's reputation and that it well never produce a steady stream of earnings. After all, we're experiencing a real liquidity crisis." University President P.P. Poo-Poo replied, "I told Thra the other day, 'either urine or you're out'. I don't know why she's turned yellow but the university is flush with cash and so I told her earlier today, 'I don't understand the basis of urinalysis'. I realize that this is a prickly situation but I don't deserve to be treated like a schmuck". Poo-Poo's reputation, at one time down the toilet, has recently grown as he has received a steady golden shower of compliments.
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