Indian Elephant Gets Root Canal for Toothache

Dentists in southern India have performed root canal on an elephant to rid him of a chronic toothache. Critic Carrie N. Cissor,a citizen of Pachy-stan of Chew-ish origin,who was looking a little long in the tooth, commented, "I will fight tooth and enamel to prevent such procedures from occurring on our elephant friends. These dentists sit in their ivory towers and think that they can continue to do molar and molar of these procedures without brushing up on the realities of operating on animals - well this doesn't resin-ate well with me". Indian dentist Hal E. Tosis, calling on a trunk line from Poachtree, Georgia after having received a plaque honoring him for his dental work with elephants, defended himself by saying, "My work caries a lot of weight within the dental profession and Dumbo critics like Cissor only gum up the works. Those of us who operate on elephants are well-drilled professionals who constantly brush up on our operating procedures - so tusk luck to anyone who tries to criticize our work." Tosis hung up and was off to see a double feature at the local movie theatre -Jaws and Pulp Fiction.www.pundamania.com 

The Beatles Come to iTunes

Apple Vice-President Rawden Tootha Core announced that the Beatles' entire catalogue is coming to the digital music store iTunes. Core said, "Yesterday, Paul McCartney contacted me and told me that 'I've Got to Get You into My Life'. He said that it was about time that, "We Come Together and that I've Got a Feeling that The Two of Us will Help each other make money" (to the delight of the Taxman). In a private moment Core confessed that, "It's been a Long and Winding Road for me in my career and, With a Little Help From My Friends, It Won't be Long before I'm out of my Misery. My colleagues used to tell me that I'm a Loser and so I've had to Carry That Weight and be in Misery but, Do You Want to Know a Secret?, I remained strong in believing that All Things Must Pass. It's Because of my Dad that I was able to Let it Be and know that I was never The Fool on the Hill". Clearly, this Beatles' deal is Core's Ticket to Ride and that he and McCartney have started a Revolution in a Helter Skelter kind of way. McCartney added that, "It does Please Please Me that I've helped Core Get Back his mojo but my final words to him are 'Don't Let Me Down'." Hello, Goodbye to everyone.
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IHOP Sues IHOP

The International House of Pancakes (IHOP) is suing the International House of Prayer (also known as IHOP) for trademark dilution, claiming that the latter chose the name to leverage the IHOP restaurant chain’s fame. Restaurant chain IHOP Vice-President Flapjack Butterfield commented, “We’ll eat this religious IHOP group for breakfast. We won’t waffle in pressing ahead with our lawsuit because they’ve egged us on for too long and they’re stealing our bacon. They’re a bunch of crepes who are going straight from the fire into the frying pan. In the end we’ll prevail because we’re the batter of the two”. A cross International House of Prayer spokesperson Bee Leif responded, “These restaurant folks make me want to pewk and they don’t have a prayer. I give my solemn oath that we will defeat these sin-ical people who have no rite to sue us. We refuse to altar our plans because we have faith in our new legal team – who are facing their first baptism under fire.” The IHOP legal team has plenty of spirit but the IHOP restaurant team is the toast of the town that always comes through in a jam”.
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Can the porn industry survive Web 2.0?

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Google developing a driverless car

Google Inc. continues to develop a car that drives itself - requiring no person behind the wheel. However, Google investors are critical of this venture. One investor, Stella Hubb-Capp stated, "I don't want to sound like I'm blowing a gasket but Google management auto be strung up for taking us along for this ride. The Big Wheels at the company are blowing their own horns and losing their bearings over their financial priorities. Google Vice-President, Anne Droid, responded, We're not sitting idle over such comments. Investors continue to grille us over our investment priorities and we're beginning to tire over what these hose-bags are saying. We're gearing up for the long road ahead and we're putting the pedal to the metal to make this project happen. We've always come through in the clutch and we take a back seat to no one vis-a-vis making money for our investors." In terms of Hubb-Capp, Droid would like to fender off but the latter isn't likely to shift her priorities or put the brakes on her negative comments. This has fueled speculation that Google management is trying to bumper off.
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Bayer invests in company developing 'Viagara for women'

Bayer Pharmaceuticals has annouced a $300 million investment in Endoceutics, a company working on a 'Viagara for women'. Bayer spokesperson Urethra Franklin, recently seen driving a brand new Vulva after having been discharged from her previous company, said, "We like the fact that Endoceutics has created a stimulating work environment that arouses employees' desires while treating them genitally. This is no nipple-and-dime operation - the company keeps abreast of scientific advances and stands erect in its determination to run the best scientific labia in the world". Bayer obviously likes Endoceutic's excellent customer-cervix culture and the fact that management keeps abreast of new trends in the marketplace. Endoceutic's VP, HR the anal-retentive Pell Vic Thrust, said, "Our work environment isn't only female-oriented - we have a big opening for inspired males who want to make a spermanent contribution to our welfare. The company's culture continuosly vibrates with excitement".
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